POWERFUL TIPS TO HANDLE POWERLESS SITUATIONS

                    POWERFUL TIPS TO HANDLE POWERLESS SITUATIONS


               POWERFUL TIPS TO HANDLE POWERLESS SITUATIONS



   1.  LEAVE NEGATIVE ATTITUDE
Don’t loose positive attitude. Don’t worry about the present situations. Be bold and take gallant and gritty decisions to change the course of action. Be determined and stick to basics to reach your goal.

2.     DON’T LEAVE YOUR PURSUIT



How hard your goal, keep going. That is the secret of success. Keep going your trails. Don’t stop your journey and trails as the journey is tough and rough. It doesn’t matter how slow you go as long as you don’t stop. If your path is correct you can reach the destination successfully. Your trust in your destination is more vital irrespective of the hardships and obstacles.

3.     STAY IN GOOD COMPANY



The better quality of relationship as we maintain gives us the better quality of joy and happiness. Best Employees and Best friends are always greatest assets to anybody. Don’t treat them as passing clouds. It is always important that the quality of relationship that survives for a long time. Good company helps to develop network. So now it is considered as important as wealth now. Friends are only take care, share joys and sorrows. They are trustful and loyal. They respect the ideals and goals of us even when the situations are getting tough.

4. EVERY THING COMES WITH PRICE

Nothing can be achieved without price as it may be in the form of Sweat, Time, hard work or money or intellectual property. Achievement comes with the price only. Some things are costlier than others relatively in the Global Market Economy. Great works or achievements are really hard to get or build but it is very easy to spoil a creative or purposeful or business opportunity. It is extremely easy to withdraw from an activity than love and stick until get it. Hating, saying Excuses, negative thinking, despair are all acts of Cowardice. It is determination, hard work and perseverance will give better results than hating the people, work and the situation.  Most of the time many people struck between two options like polar contradictions and feel confusion in selecting the right alternative. The Truth is that they can’t select both ways. One can’t become a great scholar with out reading and digesting the essence of the great books or great experiences or grasp or gain knowledge in the conference of the intellectuals.

5. BEST PREPARATION

If you prepare well one day your chance will come. If you are failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail in your task or goal. The one who prepares very well can best serve the situation than others. The champions toil hard in the all the seasons night and day. They practice hours together with lot of patience and endevarance and hope. They spend years in practice and thinking different approaches. The winning performance is the demonstration of their Champion Attitude. The Victorious performances come with spectacular showing of positive attitude and exhibition of correct talent at right time and keep continuing that performance irrespective of situations without saying any excuses. The winning attitude comes with Best preparation only. The Success comes with our best previous preparation only. It is always best to have our tools sharpen before starting the work. Good Luck comes and blesses us with our preparation only.

6. LEAVE FEAR OF FAILURE (ATYCHIPHOBIA)

The only way to change your reaction to failure is to challenge the beliefs that create it. The best way to change is to transform and alter belief that shapes and moulds us. The best way to modify the beliefs is to change the thoughts. Failure is always very big learning experience. It helps to reassess the cause and reasons for the failure and the way to learn to go again to reach the goal. Failure is always a self belief that breeds the seeds to atmosphere of defeat. It is always a warning signal to change the course of action and keep focus on the right direction. Some times negative experiences also lead to this fear of failure. Some people subconsciously undermined their strengths to avoid the failures. Self sabotage and low self esteem are some of the reasons for the above thoughts.

It is only belief that resists moving ahead. We don’t find a single person in life that doesn’t face a single experience of failure in life. Failure lessons are very important because they keep away making the same mistakes again. Failures are common in life. Failure lessons help you to mould you as strong person in life. Some times valuable insight comes only after a series of failures and  help to develop alternative plans in the crisis time or back up plans and thinking of different probable outcomes of a decision.

7. SET CLEAR GOALS

Goals show a sense of direction and path to our passions and indicate where you want to go. Try to split your goals into smaller steps. Take one small step at a time and build your confidence and complete your task successfully.  One has to understand ones core desires, ground realities, resources, strengths and identify correct path way to take right road to success. Getting every thing can’t be achieved alone. Taking the cooperation from like minded people will keep you ahead of others. The sky is the limit to achieve goals. One has to identify the obstacles in advance before starting the work or any new project. Be honest in writing down the weaknesses. Prepare plan to achieve goals. Be realistic in preparing the plans and put them into action. If one thing doesn’t work, do not give up, use plan B to accomplish it.

8. TOIL HARD FOR CONTINUOUS IMPROVEMENT.

Success stays with continuous improvement only. The one who continuously improve in order to redress fluctuations, disturbances and imbalances will get success and keep them in success for a long period of time. Kaizan School of management suggests many ways to improve it. It involves continuous effort for ameliorate and enhance effectiveness, improving collective work experience, identify and delegate work to the creative and expert people and ability forecast the changes in the trends. Some times thinking and acting ahead of others with use of foresight helps to take best actions than others. One who endeavors to create plans and procedures to accomplish the tasks and recruit and instruct others to assist in the work and gather information regarding your task and eliminate unnecessary and waste activities and try to prevent the problems in advance and make suitable action plans will get desired results. Try to develop an attitude to solve the problems rather than stay with the problem. Don’t be part of the problem, be a part of the solution. Don’t say excuse for wasting time and not doing the work. Don’t be caught up with too much planning. Thinking and spending more time on planning and not taking any action is known as Paralysis of analysis. Planning shouldn’t be rigid, it should be motivating and always need and scope for the improvement in doing. Whatever work you do, do with more than 100 % commitment and love the work. Put all your efforts and focus and give your very best. You don’t need to repent in the future.

9. EVALUATE OUT COMES

Real life is different from cinema life and fiction life. Real Life costs more when make mistakes. Real life is really hard and tough. Every action has consequences whether it is good or bad. A good action may give better results at later point of time and a bad action may give bad results at later point of time. People are unable to evaluate their consequences of their actions.  Anger and emotions spoil decision making process in most of the cases. So keep them in check. In the wake of Globalization every body is considering ones actions, attitudes, attention and sharing of responsibility.  A popular say from Zen states that to act with out thinking and doing with out effort or in other words there is no Try.

Consequences are results of our actions. It is like throwing a stone into a calm lake which creates ripples. Consequences may be good or bad. If the consequences are good, repeat the same actions to get desired results. If the consequences are bad, don’t duplicate the mistakes and identify the reasons for failures and try to identify the potential and correct alternatives to get the best possible decisions. Believe the popular Carpenter saying “Measure twice, cut ones”. It is like thinking before acting. It is shear waste to lament about the past mistakes. Many people have a lot of goals but don’t realize what they truly want in life. Most of them have confusion in identifying their True Passion and goal in life.

10. LEARNING FROM OTHERS MISTAKES



There is a say “Learn from the mistakes of others, you can’t live long enough to make them all yourself “. ‘A Dog returns to his own vomit, so a fool repeats his folly’. All men make mistakes, but only wise men learn from others mistakes. Bernard Shah says “I made mistakes but not the same”. A person who faces failures always means he is repeating the same mistakes. He doesn’t learn from his follies. Nobody is perfect. We can’t take back our mistakes or past. If we are wise we can take better decisions from others mistakes. We can learn from every one whether he is a good or bad. A good person or a successful person life teaches us what to do in a correct way where as a bad person or an unsuccessful person life tells us what not to do. Every Bodies Life is a story which teaches lessons to us.

11. ACCEPT ADJUSTMENTS IN LIFE



The present life became more busy and materialistic. Every body is busy. Financial issues became predominant and every thing is revolving around it. The demands of the society and peer are mounting high and take over the routine. The balancing of life is missing. Every one is facing problems of adjustments in family, social, organisational and economic spheres.  Too many goals and ambitions create tensions and anxiety in the mind which in turn leads to panic also. Physical and Emotional balance is also important in life. Heavy load of works, multi tasking, over whelming activities, frequent burn outs etc also cause a lot of pressure and stress. Relationships with others are getting strained and confronting with diseases is becoming common. ‘Learn to cherish present situations, take deep breath, enjoy the nature, laughing, walking, doing some exercises, enjoying music, sharing pleasant experiences and memories etc., gives immense relief.

Are you keeping reasonable and achievable goals? Are you on the correct track and right course of action?  What are the measures are you taking to clear your obstructions? How are you co-coordinating your resources, people, and time to pursue your goals?

Joy comes only when we make serious adjustments in life with peers, work atmosphere, family and in society. The people who try to learn how to adjust with others will live happily and comfortably than others. They are smart. One has to remember that nothing is granted. When goals are not fulfilled, don’t adjust the goals, adjust your action plans.

KESIRAJU RAMPRASAD

EDUCATIONAL PSYCHOLOGIST

kesirajuramprasad@gmail.com

SEROTONIN AND ITS USES

SEROTONIN AND ITS USES

SEROTONIN AND ITS USES

 

One of my friends asked me through blog what is the role of Serotonin? He asked me further that he has listened the Serotonin, dopamine, etc, When ever reader reading articles on Meditation, Yoga, or Exercises, walking, Aging, growth, Bone metabolism, Behavior, Cardiovascular areas they are coming across the terms of   Serotonin, dopamine, GABA, etc. This question probes me to write this Blog.

 

Serotonin ( 5-hydroxytryptamine, 5-Ht) is a Neurotransmitter. It has a wide impact on many brain functions. It is amalgamate from the amino acid L –tryptophan in the brain neurons. It is stock up in Vesicles. Serotonin originates in three major areas of the body. It is found in the intestinal wall, large slender blood vessels and the central nervous system. Enterochromaffin cells in the alimentary canal consist of 90%of the human body’s total serotonin. The molecular formula of serotonin is C₁₀H₁₂N₂O.     

The functions of serotonin are many and several. It involve in the control of appetite, sleep, memory and learning, temperature regulation, mood, behavior including sexual and hallucinogenic, cardiovascular function, muscle contraction, endocrine regulation and depression. Each Serotonin neuron applies an authority and power over as many as 500,000 target neurons. Serotonin spreads from brain to all parts of the Central nervous system. It is a most expensive Neuro chemical system the brain. Serotonin also plays role in the cognitive functions, including memory and learning. It also affects on ageing.

It helps to regulate hemostasis and blood clotting. It also plays role in wound healing.

 

 

It is very useful in the treatment of anxiety, depression, OCD (obsessive- compulsive disorder), Schizophrenia, Stroke, obesity, Pain, Hyper tension, vascular disorders, migraine, and Nausea. They are four types of receptors of serotonin. They are 5-HT1, 5HT2, 5HT3, and 5HT4.The research has been carrying on the subtypes and specific function of each receptor. The researches have identified that there is link between depression and serotonin. They found decreased concentration of serotonin 5-HTAA in the cerebrospinal fluid and brain tissues of depressed people. Antidepressants enhance serotonin activity at the synapse by blocking serotonin reuptake

Experts say serotonin also might have a role in migraine, vomiting and appetite.Alterations in serotonin levels in the brain may affect mood. Some antidepressant medications affect the action of serotonin, i.e. they are used to treat depression.

The Serotonin levels composition is different from male to female. Its levels change with the seasons. Its levels are not the same throughout the year. There are many fluctuations.

.

There are vitamins and tablets helps to raise the serotonin levels normally. Vigorous exercises or daily exercises help to raise the serotonin levels in the body. It increases the serotonin only after the some days of activity. So Doing regular exercises have greater benefits.

Daily exercises for 30 minutes which has to raise your heart rate. This activity increases the levels of serotonin on a long term basis. If you can’t allot 30 minutes every day all at once, you can split your time into two to three sessions consisting of 10 minutes each. Muscle toning exercises crank up brain levels of gamma amino butyric acid (GABA), a neurotransmitter that helps to take the edge of anxiety and helps ruined up blue moods. Yoga or exercises stimulates Vagus nerve. This Vagus nerve works on parasympathetic nervous system. This boost up GABA making you feel happy and relaxed. This creates feel good atmosphere in the body. Walking or rigorous exercises, cycling, weight lifting, rafting, skewing etc helps to increase the brain chemicals like serotonin. Exercises are one way to increase the serotonin levels in the body.

Biochemically it is derived from tryptophan. It is popularly known to be a provider of an attitude approach of well being and cheerfulness, joy glee and bliss. An increase in the ratio of tryptophan to phenylalanine and leucine will increase serotonin levels

Serotonin is found in foods with good ratio included dates, papayas, plantains, banana, pineapples, kiwi fruit, plums, walnuts, hickory and tomatoes and small quantities in various vegetables also.

Foods that rich in amino acid tryptophan can increase the serotonin levels. Exposure to sunlight and exercises can also increase the serotonin levels. If you are continuously in bad moods or facing trouble with lack of sleep, the problem may be low levels of serotonin.

In the hustle and bustle world we are running for every activity, multitasking, not taking sufficient food at right time is also another reason for your feelings of worn out, exhausted and mentally drained and depressed.

Serotonin elevates mood. It increases the feelings of satisfaction.  We may get this satisfaction after playing briskly or doing rigorous exercise or a long run or short bustle of run or skipping activity, swimming, or eating a plate of a biryani or any interesting food, or spending time with intimate friends or family. Serotonin levels come down with anxiety or stress or low carbohydrate diet or inactivity.

Exercises help to increase the norepinephrine,a neurotransmitter that increases the ability to control our impulses and make them as socially adoptable and sociable person. Norepinephrine increases the Serotonin level. It regulates mood and other physical activities. Physical exercises burn neurons faster. This physical activity helps to produce higher quantities of serotonin in the body. Regular exercises help to reduce tension, anxiety, mood disorders and other problems.

If people don’t have sufficient levels of serotonin in the brain leads to high risk of facing the problems of depression, anxiety, and insomnia.

Dr. KESIRAJU RAMPRASAD

EDUCATIONAL PSYCHOLOGIST

ANGER MANAGEMENMT TECHNIQUES

ANGER MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUES

Learning to control anger is always a challenge for every one. Most of my friends and students ask me how to control anger. This is the answer for their questions. Does your Blood pressure mount high when your subordinates reject and repudiate to cooperate?  Wild and unrestrained anger is always deadly and harms ones health, wealth and relationships.

·        There are two types of angers. They are Passive anger and aggressive anger. Either aggressive anger or passive anger may be learned in childhood supported by permissiveness or the lack of emotional boundaries or parental discipline or modeled after aggressive or passive parental behavior. It may be result of childhood verbal or physical abuse also.

·         Aggressive anger can be expressed as Bullying, Destructiveness, Grandiosity, Hurtfulness, Manic Behavior, Selfishness, Threats, Unjust Blaming, and Vengeance etc.  Passive anger can be expressed in the following ways. They are Self-blame, Secretive behavior, Obsessive behavior, Defeatism, Evasiveness, dispassion and Psychological manipulation.

·        .Learn what triggers your anger. Identify the signs that you are becoming angry. The signs of anger are as follows. The facial and skeletal musculature is affected by anger.  The face becomes red and the brow muscles move inward or downward, the nostrils flare, the jaw tends towards clenching, raising of the arms for preparing for attack or for defense. The muscle tension provides strength. The heart rate, blood pressure, perspiration etc are increases. The autonomous activity works through adrenomedullary and adrenocortical hormonal activity.  The secretion of adrenal medulla of the catecholamine’s, epinephrine, and nor epinephrine, and by the adrenal cortex of glucocoticoids provides a sympathetic system effect that mobilizes the body for immediate action (e.g. the release of glucose, stored in the liver and muscles as glycogen). In anger, the catecholamine activation is more strongly nor epinephrine than epinephrine (the reverse being the cause for fear). The pituitary gland also influences the anger levels.

·        Take accountability, liability, power and understand that anger is a choice of when, how to express it.

·        Make a commitment to avoid using filthy and abusive language.

·        Make a strong oath not to indulge criminal activities or violent activities.

·        Some times unresolved anger from the precedent past is the main reason. It should be resolved amicably with the support of different approaches.

·        Don’t voice the word “YOU “word or Phrase in expressing anger i.e. “You always or You never follow or You aren’t loyal etc, Try to avoid blaming others harshly.. Be courteous and humble in dealing with others even in anger also.

·        Anger person has to understand there may be a reasonable cause for others for to say. So be open and empathetic on others.

·        Always avoid Physical violence.  Yelling, raving, striking, shoving or plotting revenge is some of the examples.

·        Try to ask permission from others in abusing others.

·        Try to focus on present issues and don’t search for the past causes to blame.

·        If you find any reasons to blame others, try to put them in words and give them as suggestion. Make them to realize their mistakes. Generally coaches in the games do this. They note down the mistakes of the each player. They hand over the mistakes paper to the player to modify his mistakes.

·        In receiving anger don’t retaliate with anger. Use soft voice and respond honestly with him. He will understand the intensity of anger. Don’t hit back anger with anger. It is no use. You can’t win any thing but loose more. Anger doesn’t win battles. If it wins it is temporary only. The real win lies in Peace.

·        The person who in angry with you is always confronting with himself and with others. You understand that angry person is always hurt, skeptic, pessimist, and cynic and wounded. As he is unable to communicate with other ways so he is retaliating with anger. Be sympathetic him. Send him “Get Well Soon Greetings “in dreams.

·        Develop inner strength to face criticism. Be composed, calm, cool, stable and patient in facing criticism and anger. Don’t loose your temper at any time.

·        Anger persons need Counseling for their anxiety and Depression.

·        Anger is a habitual reaction of angry person. Angry person always forget the other alternatives. He has to change this attitude for his benefit and well being other wise he may be at loosing end in major human relations area.

·        If you are at receiving end of the anger, quickly understand the anger persons view point and use reflexive statement and sincere apology to him.

·        Hitting, abusing, damaging others property are not the acceptable ways of expressing anger.

·        A teenager may get angry because of hormonal problems. Women may get anger frequently because of Monopaz. We have to understand them. We have to give them ample support in this period.

·        Try to avoid conflicting situations as often possible.

·        Try to avoid conflicting situations in the presence of family members and close relatives.

·        Try to avoid conflicting situations before driving, bed time, walking up time, during the time of taking crucial decisions, in public places etc.

·        Try to avoid the conflicting situation. Leave the area or person whom you want to show anger. It is very hard to practice. But put into practice and follow it. Talk a walk or Do breathing exercises or Count the numbers or follow any other technique which you know.

·        Avoid showing anger on Police Persons or Anti Social personality Disorder people or on your Employer or Boss or your Department Officer.

·        Before reacting to a tense situation, take deep breath with left nose and release slowly with right nose. Do it for 20 times. Your emotion level will be calm down.

·        With out hurting others you try to state your needs and expectations in an assertive way in a calm state.

·        Physical activity of playing games provides an outlet for any body’s emotions. Physical activity stimulates various brain chemicals. That makes you happier and pleasant.

·        One of the triggers for anger is Poor Time management.

·        One of the triggers for anger is Multi tasking. Often it keeps you in Bay.

·        Think before saying is an exemplary quote. It is apt also. It is easy to say some thing at the heating moment but we often regret after. So take few moments to gather your ideas and thoughts and present it wisely.

·        Remember anger don’t resolve issues, it complicates the situation further and make it worse

·        Identify alternative solutions for repeating problems in the house which making you anger. Try to understand that you can’t change people. Let them live like that. You select the right kind of people only.

·        Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve PEACE.

·        Remember forgiveness is not something we do for other people. We have to do it for ourselves to get well and live happily.

·        Use humor in the place of sarcasm. Sarcasm hurt feelings of others and makes enemies for life time. Tension disappears in the presence of Humor.

·        When anger erupts like Volcano, practice anti anger techniques. Practice calming words “Take it easy”“or chant Divine name many a times or practice laughing therapy or Practice  positive wave meditation technique or Listen Good music or practice Yoga poses etc.

             Frankly speaking anger can’t be managed easily. Why people are getting angry because they are hurt, painful, loss, deceived etc. They get angry because they care and love. If they don’t get angry it is a problem and disorder. Mahatma Gandhi got angry on a number of occasions. Jesus Christ got angry. Lord Krishna and Lord Rama got angry. We are just human beings. Anger is part of the life. It is a normal human emotion. It is a way that your brain releases mental and emotional pressure.  Live with anger management is a better idea.

Dr.Kesiraju Ramprasad

EDUCATIONAL PSYCHOLOGIST

COGNITIVE LEARNING | Dr Kesirajuramprasad's Blog

COGNITIVE LEARNING | Dr Kesirajuramprasad's Blog

INDIA ROAD TRAFIC SIGNS

http://miros-road-safety.blogspot.in/2009/04/india-road-traffic-signs-jokes.html

UNSPOKEN TRUTH

UNSPOKEN TRUTH
By kesirajuramprasad


UNSPOKEN TRUTH

House wife job is unhonored, unpraised and unsung.

Nobody cares about her toil swing

The husband never acclaims and accolade fag

He never asks whether she has taken Lunch or supper.

He eats her delicious food without value reckoning

She adorns house with precession but nobody acknowledge

He never says even in dream that she brings glory to the new tog.

He often forgets her birthday make her exhaust with disgust

She egests and chokes down when none acclaim with a word or flower

She has never claimed her holidays

Sleeping wholly is a rarest opportunity

She sacrifices herself to meet the expectations

She cares for the husband when he seriously bedridden

She feels husband is an apple of her eye

She canceled her woes in her heart

Makes the things taken for granted

She stands on family side what ever outcome on her way

She passes the years with fears and tears

Though she is in the amidst of family she is like a Lighthouse in the desert

She never feels she explores and seek for Love in a Mirage

She devotes and dedicates her life to the family night and day

She feeds like the re-incarnation of mother,

She obliges and accomplishes household work with pride like a drudge

She shares the bed like Aphrodite andVenus,

She guides like a Diplomatic rector

A wife less life is like a bulb without filament

She never impedes or refrains but hope for the rest is best

It is not high time for husbands to wake up from the deep slumber

Her love is pure and true like nectar

Memories made that will never fade

She badly needs so much

Your heart full feelings of your touch

Love is a strong enduring need for a reassuring

Believe your side and ride is an abundant pleasure and treasure.

DR.KESIRAJU RAMPRASDAD

EDUCATIONAL PSYCHOLOGIST

Anxiety--Tips to overcome

Anxiety- Tips to overcome
Anxiety is an emotion associated with Fear or nervousness. Fear takes so much of our time and energies and takes joys out of our Life. It paralyzes us, we cannot do anything, and we end up trapped by fear and anxiety.
If we are prone to anxiety we have two choices. Either we have to live with it or eliminate it. If we sit months or hours long thinking about the worries and problems, we cannot make them go away.
Symptoms
1. Worrying about every thing even for small things or imaginary things.
2. Thinking more about failures.
3. Thinking vigorously about colour of the skin, height, wisdom, family, marks, ranks, money ,wealth etc
4. Afraid of making mistakes.
5. Feeling of nervousness in every action.
6. Sleep poorly.
7. Feeling hard to take any decisions.
8. Interested to sit lonely.
9. Agitating and tense behavior.
Suggestions
1. Start doing something and keep busy all the day Do any kind of job but don’t sit idly.
2. Focus your attention on the where the feeling of anxiety is in your body and keep your attention there and close your eyes and take deep breath and slowly release it. Just do it for eight to ten times .It reduces your anxiety.
3. Help some one and extend your helping hand to them. Share their feelings. Helping others is one of the best ways to heal your feelings.
4. Talking to friends and relatives, chatting with friends and share and exchange feelings with them. Seek emotional support from your family members or friends.
5. Exercise is another good example of reducing the anxiety.
6. Believe in Faith it reduces the anxiety.
7. Dont watches anything that upsets your feelings. Don’t watch terror or anxiety prone serials or movies before go to bed.
8. Courage is the Best Weapon to counter attack the fear.
9. Relaxation Techniques are also useful.
10. Balanced Diet is also an effective tool. Avoiding taking alcohol, cigarettes and caffeine.
11. Read interesting books or religious books or comic books.
12. Avoid people who create disturbances.
13. Sleep Better.
14. Listen or remember your success stories which helps you feel secure in situations where you once felt dread.
15. We should believe that “We have the power to overcome our anxieties and there is No problem we cannot solve”.
16. Take a Proactive approach towards dealing with tensions, worries and anxiety.
17. Play a Video game.
18. Look at something Blue.
19. Doodling makes people feel calmer.
20. Take a B complex, lemon tea, eat ice cream, or fish.
21. Smell a fragrance or Aroma Therapy.

Some more tips to overcome Shyness and reduce anxiety.
1. Never loose a chance to address the gatherings even for small groups.
2. Say hello to five strangers as you pass them on the street.
3. Try to great every one before they great you.
4. Try to smile to every body
5. Make eye contact with a stranger and don’t look away until they do first.
6. Try to speak with strangers in the journey and share their culture and heritage.
7. Ask someone for help finding a book or cinema tickets or something new.
8. Learn a simple magic trick and perform it for a stranger on the street.
9. Go to a hotel and share a table with a stranger in a restaurant or coffee shop and sit with them